At the retreat we did a faith walk (I think that's what it was called) where we had to close our eyes and let someone else guide you to another location. We walked from the dark parking lot to inside the building and when I sensed the light and heard people around me laughing, joking around, I had a feeling that this is what Heaven was like. Having the light there, knowing you're okay, love around you.
Then they told us a story (with our eyes still closed) about this man who was being guided through Heaven and Hell, and in Hell there were skeletons trying to feed themselves with their arms always extended, while people in Heaven were laughing and enjoying themselves because they were feeding each other. Interesting story but when I heard the description, I pictured my family in Hell because that's where they'll end up if they don't convert and if everything is true. And I felt angry that I was being divided from my family and some of my close friends just because they can't believe, just because they're too busy to give it consideration. Can you really blame them? How could I leave my family behind in Hell like that?
I have a hard time with some core beliefs of Christianity, like Hell and the resurrection. I'm not sure if I'll ever reconcile these feelings but I still believe in God, and I love Jesus and his teachings. I just feel outcasted, lost, and frustrated that I can't believe. I want to but I can't pay the price...
"Why is it so hard for you to believe?"
"Why do you find it so easy?"
Story of our lives.
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